Sometimes life has acute timing and you can feel yourself sitting on the edge of a cusp with your feet dangling over and your about to fall in because this great big change is not only coming but it is here and it is whispering and clamouring at your name.
I’m looking back and looking forward and can see a line being drawn from one into the other. What lies ahead would not be here without what lies behind and so the two lean on each other in my mind and I trust them both and the truth of the line that binds them.
The line is the core of me. It is drawn through time, straight through all I have experienced and all I will experience. The constant currency of me forcing itself through it all. A constant that continues to be, whilst the ins and outs of life and the ups and downs of this world happen and continue to exist around it.
There is a stillness and a knowing that I have settled into myself, I am who I am and I understand that now in a way I never did before.
Best of all I accept it. I accept that I worry, that I expect too much, that I want to control all around me and that I can’t. I accept I’m not everyone’s cup of tea, that with wrong people I’m awkward and stumble through conversation, inarticulate and bumbling. On the same hand, I accept that with the right people my mind opens up and I want to pour all I think and perceive into them and share the wonder and joy of this world with them. I accept I like to make drama and much of small occurrences and incidents and turn them into more than they should be. I accept this world and my place in it, it is where i am supposed to be and I love this place for all the beauty and meaning it holds and accept that it is only there if you look for it.
Accepting all I am, good and bad, the shades and spectrum of me. I am the sum of all my previous experiences, the sum of everyone I have ever interacted with, they have helped make me. Finally I understand, I am a unique combination of my mum and dad and all those who have gone before them.
A sense of my small but perfectly shaped place in all this chaos and calm of life. I am ready for what now begins, 2 years ago I wouldn’t have been so life has timing it knows when to move you on and when to make you stay. It only gives you what you can deal with, nothing more and nothing less.
My sense of myself is now within me and with it a confidence to take me forward to the next point and moment of my journey .I thank God and my lucky stars for bringing me to the people I needed to shape and make me ready for now. Life has impeccable timing.