Since October 2011, I have kept a moleskine notebook with me. Over the past week I have gone through them all to collate ideas I have been collecting in them for something I want to write.
If my house was to burn down and I had to choose which items to save, these 5 moleskines would be some of the first things I’d want to keep. They hold so much of the life I have lived in them. Within them are thoughts, ideas, quotes and lyrics that I’ve come across, lists of things to do, films I want to see and books I want to read and little maps I’ve drawn to help me find somewhere new. The pocket at the back is filled with bits and bobs that mean something to me from that time. Reading through them with hindsight is revelatory, concerns that once were- no more, but the big things are still there. Running themes which my thoughts return to. The big concerns that underpin all the small things, that come and go.
As I have read over them again, these are some of the words from them that have struck me…
It has been a summer of snatched moments but because they’ve been snatched, they have been so much the sweeter than long continuous passages of happy existence. Happiness is not a long drawn out thing, but spontaneous and fleeting, else it wouldn’t feel so good.
Every day when we wake up, we make a fundamental choice, we can choose to be happy today or we can choose to be sad today. If when we look back at it all, there are more days when we’ve chosen to be happy then that is a life worth living. The point in it all, is this life we’ve got here right now, that’s the biggest point of all, we need not invest it in any other meaning.
‘Words is it a coincidence that you are so similar to worlds, words hold worlds in them’.
‘For if we think of this existence of the individual as a larger or smaller room, it appears evident that most people learn to know only a corner of their room, a place by the window, a strip of floor on which they walk up and down.’ (Rilke )
‘And for the rest, let life happen to you. Believe me! Life is right in any case.’ (Rilke)
‘Do not observe yourself too much. Do not draw too hasty conclusions from what happens to you. Let it simply happen to you. Otherwise you will too easily look with reproach (that is morally) upon your past, which naturally has its share in all that you are now meeting’. (Rilke)
At the moment I feel like I’ve thrown everything up in the air and I’m waiting to see how it falls.
Maybe this life is just one great big balancing act, where we gain as much as we loose and get as much as we give. Perhaps we die at the moment when this is in perfect balance and that moment only comes about once in our existence.
Always people are waiting on something.
Where does love come from? The origin of that feeling of love in the body, where does it live?